Wisdom in Defeat
by AwfulLawful
Summary: I do not own Megamind or make any profit from this story - it was written as a gift for a wonderful fanart. Metro Man goes to Megamind for an apparent illness, but it quickly becomes clear he was driven to go to him for entirely different reasons. This story is a gift for Celestialess on Y!Gallery for her picture 'A Sucky Hero'.


This story is a gift for **Celestialess** on Y!Gallery for her picture 'A Sucky Hero'. There is not NEARLY enough Megamind slash art, let alone of good quality, and I will encourage it as much as I can! Metro Man goes to Megamind for an apparent illness, but it quickly becomes clear he was driven to go to him for entirely different reasons.

Of course, this is a small one-shot thingy and as such 'Metro Man fakes death' never happened. This isn't long after that point, though. I've never written Megamind before so please take his portrayal here with a grain of salt.

Wisdom in Disgrace

"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." ~Baltasar Gracian

* * *

After his initial startled yelp it took Megamind a second or two to even register what had happened.

One moment he was working on his next magnificent scheme, soldering tiny wires in place with his skilled blue fingers, and the next he was staring at a lot of white fabric with the dizzying sensation that his head had been abruptly flipped upside-down.

Once he realized what had happened and what, or rather who, had snatched him up like a sack of flour, Megamind let out a defeated groan and went limp. There had been no warning, no caper, no playful banter, and worst of all no epic battle between good and evil to televise to a rapt populace. Just grab, scoop, and carry.

It was highly annoying. He'd put _so much effort_ into this plan, too! Now he'd have to either come up with something else… or hope Minion could carry on with the preparations until he escaped again. That was unlikely considering the poor fish did not possess his intellect. Minion was extremely useful in assisting with escapes via carrying out pre-formulated plans, but it was a rare occurrence when he was even able to read his blueprints let alone assist in the creation process… beyond being the backup crane.

That already fantastic fish was so much more useful in that metallic body than he otherwise would have been.

Resigned to his capture but still frustrated with it, Megamind propped his elbow up on his nemesis' watermelon-sized shoulder and rested his chin on his hand to complain at him at ear-level rather than speaking to his cape, which probably wouldn't care if he sniped at it.

"Someone seems to have forgotten the rules," he chided blandly. "Generally cause _follows_ effect, old friend. _First_ I do something evil and _then_ you come and get me. This is not a game of 'Goose-Duck-Duck'. Okay?"

No reply. Huh.

"Where are we going? If you're taking me to jail please _open_ the door this time. It isn't even locked and I'm tired of repairing my lair because you don't have the patience to _turn a handle_. The fact that it's easy for you to break down walls does not make it easy for me to put them back up again."

Still no answer. He didn't even bother struggling. Much as he hated to admit it Megamind knew better than to think there was even the slightest chance of escape once Metro Man actively had his hands on you. If there was any point that specifically and _definitively_ marked the boundary between grand speeches, extravagant showmanship, and ping-pong banter battles… and giving up and pouting, no, _glowering_ because evil didn't _pout_ , while you were carted off to prison; that was it. Physical contact coupled with the unyielding clench of Herculean fingers.

Game over. Go directly to jail. No contest.

This was a massive blow to what little pride Megamind had been able to lay claim to as a child in school when he had actually worked the numbers out on what he knew of the Scott heir's strength. He had witnessed that boy destroy enough objects, whether intentionally or not, to have a rough idea of what forces he possessed, at least at levels that were relevant to interacting with Megamind himself.

Even at his young age the numbers had been stupidly depressing. There was literally a higher chance of a meteorite the size of a baseball striking the brute right between the eyes at the exact moment Megamind needed to escape (which would merely startle him) and causing him to momentarily lose his grip than any creature on Earth, Megamind included, being able to wrench their way free. Nothing escaped that grasp without Metro Man consciously and intentionally deciding to let go.

At that precise point was usually when Megamind gave up. First because he was just being sent back to his home anyway (which he occasionally visited even when he hadn't been captured and taken there by force), and second because every time he tried to formulate an escape plan that didn't involve cutting or chewing off whatever bit of himself Metro Man had enveloped in his fists tended to end with his brain sending him hysterical error messages. In fact Megamind had only ever managed to escape from that grip **twice** via methods that would not likely work again and even they relied on convincing Metro Man to consciously release.

The first time was when he had screamed in legitimate pain because the brat hero hadn't quite figured out how to grab people without hurting them yet. THAT had been an interesting day at school. One sharp snap of a broken blue wrist and the inattentive idiot had the audacity to flinch back as if **_he_** had been the one injured; gawking like he'd had no idea that was even a possibility if he lost his tiny little temper. In hindsight Megamind had probably not exactly helped the situation by retreating in silent panic and maintaining a blatantly obvious amount of distance between himself and the other alien for weeks after.

Young Mr. Scott had confronted him over it eventually, professing that it was an accident and the weird blue kid had no right to try so hard to make him feel bad about something that wasn't his fault. Megamind had snapped the first thing that came to mind, which was usually the truth at that age: "I know it was an accident. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. You just scare me."

That was the first time Megamind could tell he had truly and honestly struck a damaging blow, albeit an emotional one. After that the tiny titan had done what he could to learn how to control himself. Oddly enough this involved playing a lot of paddle-ball until his motions didn't immediately snap the rubber string. Wayne had gone through a LOT of paddles before he figured it out.

The second time had occurred during their third battle for the fate of Metrosity. It had been a dirty trick, even Megamind had to admit, but a very effective one. The first two losses had galled him and Megamind was prepared to do anything he could to escape before being taken back home to plot out his next caper like a child that had been sent to a time-out. Metro Man grasped his arm to carry him off and Megamind pulled off the best impression of someone that had just suffered an unexpected fracture he could manage. It worked like **_magic_**! Metro Man had startled and dropped Megamind as if the blue man had spontaneously burst into flame, which gave him just enough time to scarper away and actually evade capture for once before his enemy recovered his wits.

There had been a terrible grudge in place afterward for a while. Metro Man hadn't been so blatantly _cold_ with him before that, even when they were children, and it took him a while to return to their usual routine.

That was around the time Megamind decided it was a little unfair of him to exploit what was apparently a deeply held fear of his enemies' and decided to save any further, erm… overacting for special occasions. The event had also spawned one of the most frustrating things about his odd relationship with his nemesis, and that was the fact that Megamind was _positive_ he was being x-rayed quite frequently to be sure of his reactions. By now Metro Man probably knew more about Megamind's person and physical limits than he did himself and it was both embarrassing and infuriating, especially since the blue alien knew he ultimately had nobody to blame for it but himself.

Never bluff an injury to someone that can, in an entirely literal sense, see through you. He was thinking of making that a Proverb of Evil. He had several by now. Among them were phrases like _'Sewer Lairs are unfair for everyone involved, even if your enemy has super-smell and can't stand it - it still isn't worth the dry-cleaning bills'_ , _'Black leather, while undeniably magnificent, is an unwise clothing material in triple-digit weather'_ , which accompanied _'Nothing is more humiliating than losing a battle by fainting from heat stroke before the fight even begins'_ , and last but certainly not least _'Never taunt asassy reporter with free hands and a sturdy set of knitting needles because they get stabby and aim for serious bits'_. Damn it, she didn't seem like the knitting type so it hadn't occurred to him to worry about it!

As he thought all this at lightning speed Megamind also paid attention to what was going on around him, or rather under him. It was strange for Metro Man to carry him like this unless he was injured – generally he was lifted by his collar and carried off like a recalcitrant kitten. Given his physiology it was the most practical choice. Megamind's windpipe was actually inside his wide spinal column, which was very sturdy due to having to hold up that big head, so the safest place to pick him up was his neck unless it was damaged or otherwise strained. Many times the people of Metrosity had mentioned how cruel it was to literally hang Megamind by his cape as he was carried off to jail until Metro Man had calmly explained that it was perfectly safe, but only for Megamind. Which Miss Ritchi had actually confirmed by asking Megamind himself about it.

An oddly considerate gesture… It was very strange how much they seemed to obey that 'cruel and unusual punishment' thing while allowing a bunch of criminals to actually raise an infant in a prison. Not that he was complaining. Much.

Megamind sighed. "What are you doing?" A pause. "I'm getting the feeling that I'm being ignored."

Another pause, which lengthened into a silence that said, yes, he was definitely being ignored.

Megamind growled. With a mind as active as his it was easy to get bored and it had been too many seconds since he'd been scooped up with no further action or verbal interaction. If Metro Man was planning on flying away with him it would have happened by now. The man was simply pacing around Megamind's lair, seemingly looking for something, scanning the areas around them and behaving as if the man he'd hung over his shoulder like he didn't exist.

Megamind rolled his eyes. "Miss Ritchi isn't here, if that's what you're looking for. If she's missing it wasn't me."

That thought struck him like an arrow to the stomach and he tried to sit up enough to look at Metro Man's face for clues as to whether or not that was the case. He failed miserably since there was an arm around his legs keeping him pinned in place and a hand wrapped around his thigh, _completely_ around it - damn his nemesis and his giant vice-like gorilla hands, and he just couldn't manage.

"Wait, IS Roxanne missing? Nobody else is allowed to kidnap her, you know!" Megamind paused and swallowed. "I'm certainly not _worried_ but… but I don't share my toys! Tell me who took her and I'll _show them_ not to threaten Megamind's victim of choice!"

Metro Man kept walking slowly and deliberately (for Metro Man anyhow) around Megamind's lair, unheeding of his words. A little of the blue man's tension relaxed. If there was something wrong with Miss Ritchi, her big flying brick of a boyfriend would certainly have mentioned it by way of angry demands concerning her whereabouts long before now.

"Are you even going to tell me why you're here, besides to irritate me and be generally annoying?"

Still no answer. Megamind scowled.

"Oh, fine! If you're not even going to contribute to the conversation then I'll take my revenge out on your hair!" Megamind reached behind him and tugged fiercely. While impossible for him to actually damage it Metro Man's locks were still, by definition, **hair** and it blew in the wind and everything. Metro Man had to style it in place just like everyone else did, the follicly challenged not included. With enough force Megamind managed to wrench it out of the usual arrangement and into a tangled, ragged mess. "Ha-ha! What now, you-"

All of the air he had been using for that rant erupted from his mouth is a huge whoosh as he was suddenly plopped down onto what was thankfully a mostly soft surface. As he gasped to recover he hazily identified it as a huge discarded pile of fabric left over from making the Head Zeppelin. The landing had jarred his neck a bit too much and a twinge of stressed sinew as it tried to catch his head before an impact made his shoulder smart.

Damn it, if Metro Man wasn't pulling him straight up by his neck he usually had the foresight to keep his head from wrenching back too much. This was just being deliberately mean!

"Hey!" he protested loudly, rubbing his shoulder and hoping that didn't sound as much like an offended whine to Metro Man as it did to himself. "Is this because of the Death Ray thing? Nobody was even using that observatory when I blew it up! That's what 'abandoned' means! Well, except you...and you _escaped_ , didn't you? You always do! So why-" He paused, not daring to move or speak again until waiting to see if Metro Man would make the first move.

Metro Man was simply standing there, his eyes glowing an odd red without actually firing his heat vision, but the threat was as clear as a distant flash of lightning promising an oncoming torrent. He was breathing raggedly and stood crouched over as if he were either tired or weighted down by his own torso. Megamind couldn't help but think Metro Man looked somewhat… unreal.

It must have been the difference in their species that caused these thoughts to crop up sometimes, but Metro Man looked positively _fictional_ to Megamind when he was in a rage, like something you see that was badly yet adequately done in CGI and your brain screams at you that it looks fake but still real enough to be uncanny and disturbing. Something in his brain kept telling Megamind that sort of body type _shouldn't exist_ (and likely had not, for his own people) and the massive shadow looming seemed like the bulk of a rocky outcropping rather than a person. The brute was entirely made of muscles to the point where flexing a single one of them meant that other nearby groups of muscles had to scramble out of the way first to make room for its expansion in a horrible territorial choreography of mass management.

Though he usually didn't feel any legitimate fear of the man (not since he had matured into an oddly gentle giant in any case) it began to rear its head now. His mind screeched to a halt momentarily before going over what had happened in the past minute or so. To sum it all up to this point; Megamind had been captured without warning or provocation, ignored completely while he tried to demand reasons for it, thrown into a corner where he was now trapped, and faced with an invincible enemy that looked for all the world as if he'd like nothing more than to fry himself a blue man barbeque.

...

Now he wished he hadn't pulled the hero's hair into a poorly balanced pipe cleaner display.

Megamind swallowed heavily. "This isn't how you play the game," he said unsteadily.

"Not playing today," came the tense reply.

Instantly Megamind could tell something was amiss. The moment the man opened his mouth it was obvious. The sound of that voice would have made every hair on his body stand on-end if he had more than the patches on his face, but since he did not it merely made his skin break out in goosebumps and cause him to shiver in an inexplicable anxiety.

Metro Man didn't sound like himself. He sounded predatory.

The question begged to be asked until Megamind surrendered. "Are you going to hurt me?"

Metro Man's face rose until he was looking squarely at the trapped man below him, and Megamind recoiled until he noticed something odd about the way those eyes glowed.

The glow was in the wrong place.

Megamind swallowed. "What's the matter with your eyes!?"

The larger alien's voice was still deep, still dangerous, but also strangled. "Don't... don't know."

"You don't?" Curiosity washed over Megamind until it just about evened his anxiety over this situation and he instantly started trying to work it out. "You're not using your laser-vision, or any other kind?"

Metro Man shook his head slowly.

Hesitantly, slowly, Megamind moved closer to inspect those eyes more closely. His own widened as he realized it wasn't the man's _pupils_ glowing, but the _sclera_ – the whites of his eyes had turned a deep, bright red, but not completely. It appeared as splotches and threads. Threads that looked vein-shaped.

Was his blood **_phosphorescent_**!?

Megamind considered this a moment and realized he had never, once, actually seen the man bleed. It was entirely possible given his physiology that his blood _normally_ glowed this way, his eyes were merely bloodshot and this had nothing at all to do with his laser-vision… and that the light was _always there_ and just couldn't escape from his skin.

Somehow that was more disturbing than it should have been. What chemicals made this man function? He couldn't be radioactive or someone would have noticed by now, but with blood that glowed there was a huge host of possibilities Megamind had never even considered here. Was his blood, sweat, and tears, or any other manner of physical compounds toxic? At least to humans, perhaps? It hadn't affected Megamind yet and the brute had spat on him so many times as they had grown up rivals that he would have noticed something by now. So would anyone that'd had regular contact with his body fluids for that matter, which likely included Roxanne.

Megamind shuddered, wishing he hadn't thought of that. Bad brain. Bad.

But he was going to damned well scan her the next chance he got. Just to be safe.

He had to look after his toys, right? Otherwise he wouldn't have anything left to play with. He'd never thought that statement would apply to the irritatingly un-damageable Hero of Metrosity, but apparently it did. The fact that he could be damaged or at least made ill appealed to Megamind, if only he could figure out how it was done and adjust that process according to his needs.

"Okay, obviously there's something wrong with you. But why did you come **here**?" he asked. "Why not go to a hospital?"

"What could… they do?" Metro Man asked haltingly.

Megamind winced, imagining the scrambling confusion of human doctors trying to treat someone when they didn't even know where his organs were located, what they did, or being unable to take even the most rudimentary of samples through skin infinitely more durable and impenetrable than the matter of a neutron star. There wasn't even the slightest chance any medicines would help, in absolutely any dose, due to the fact that no compound from acid to plasma had managed to affect the man thus far.

"Good point," he admitted. "But why **_me_**!? What could **_I_** do that they can't?"

"Smarter," was the reply. "It felt right," pause "to come here." He gasped and shuddered once before gritting his teeth so hard they made a loud and unpleasant grinding noise. "Please." Metro Man reached out a hand and looked at his nemesis a little more clearly, only a fraction more focused than he had been a moment ago.

Megamind took one cautious step forward and winced. Not for the first or last time Megamind cursed whatever evolutionary forces had made it possible for his nemesis to be so damned large in comparison. The man was on his knees, hunched in a lot of pain, and Megamind was looking at him nearly eye-to-eye. 'Nearly' because he was still looking up a bit to meet those eyes... and they were still glowing threateningly. The outstretched hand only made him cringe backward after he had a moment to think about it. The man HAD broken his wrist once, after all... even if he had only been a child at the time.

"Much as I am strangely flattered you think I'll be able to figure out your problem I don't want to test your ability to maintain control in this state," he said warily. "I will come over there and look at you **only** if you swear not to touch me."

"Won't," Metro Man ground out between clenched teeth. "Promise." That hand went down to the floor to help support him instead and didn't move.

Slowly, gingerly, Megamind approached and lay a hand on his enemy's face. The touch was light and only firmed after confirming that there was no drastic increase in temperature. Megamind inwardly paled as he considered what sort of temperatures Metro Man could reach with a fever. Then he pulled back, took off his glove, and did it again. Though he was covered in pale red sweat he didn't seen abnormally warm-

Metro Man moved into the touch like a dog wanting to be pet. Megamind quickly took his hand away and tried fiercely to ignore that, attributing the movement to the relief of a cooler surface on his skin. It would have felt stupid to say he didn't have a fever, so Megamind let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and voiced the first question that came to his mind. "Does your x-ray vision work on yourself? Have you ever tried it?" All Metro Man did was nod and grunt. "And you found nothing strange or unfamiliar?"

" ** _No!_** " he snapped viciously, as if they had been having an argument and Megamind hadn't been aware of it. It almost sounded like he was shouting at himself.

The blue man yelped and jumped back, only embarrassing himself further still when he tripped on a can of oil that was haphazardly strewn among other random things on the floor and landed on his back. After a moment of dizziness he groaned and sat up. "You don't have to bark at me, you know! I am trying to figure this out! If you would just-"

Metro Man lunged.

It was like being hit by a truck, Megamind mused as he lay gasping. And he would know, too. Compared to the citizens of Metrosity he was made of iron, though Metro Man was made of something else entirely. There wasn't an adequate comparison of what that might be either, aside from the name of Metro Man's species, which Megamind didn't know. Suffice to say that Metro Man was made of the stuff Metro Man was made of.

He coughed and gasped when the ability to do so returned.

"That was rude," he complained weakly.

Metro Man was hovering over him. There was no actual contact – a hand was braced on the floor on either side of Megamind's far narrower shoulders without the slightest effort to widen where they would have landed naturally. Those terrifying eyes were now entirely saturated with red with thin rings of blue surrounding mostly dilated orbs of black within. The overall effect resembled a supernova viewed from afar.

"And you promised not to touch me," Megamind added petulantly, since he no longer had anything to lose.

Either his nemesis didn't hear him or he did and decided to be as blatantly obnoxious about it as possible, because he immediately started touching Megamind.

He might have tried to struggle away if the first thing Metro Man touched hadn't been his neck. The more frequently used (not dominant, because like everything else about the hero he was perfectly balanced in being ambidextrous too) hand completely encased it, warning of potential danger but not squeezing more than needed. It seemed Metro Man was merely holding him in place.

And staring.

"Metro Man?" he ventured cautiously when the mountain of a man did nothing else. " _Wayne?_ "

Megamind gasped when the hand around his neck tightened warningly, then released to merely keeping him in place again. The other hand was placed on his chest and he stopped breathing, moving, or anything else that might be interpreted as offensive or aggressive to prevent the first thing that came to mind - that Metro Man would press down and smash through his ribcage like a child demolishing a play structure they'd made with sticks. That held breath escaped slowly when the hand did nothing more offensive than slide along his shirt, down to his belt, back up toward his shoulder and stop grasped along the top of his long gloves.

"What are you - hey!" He reached out for the glove that had just been yanked off and tossed aside, then surrendered to an offended glare when the same was done to the other one. "Those shouldn't be turned inside-out, you know. It warps them and they don't fit as well after they're like that for too long." Megamind knew he was pressing his luck with a nemesis who, undoubtedly, was out of his mind at the moment. He didn't care. He had a distinctive style and Minion put so much effort into making the clothes he just couldn't find anywhere else and this was just beyond rude.

"Are you even listening to me?" the blue man demanded hotly, squirming when his belt was undone and thrown into the distance - far into the distance - as well. He started to worry again when the missing belt revealed the telltale line between pants and shirt on an outfit that normally blended seamlessly together in order to preserve the design consistency, and Metro Man slipped his fingers underneath to touch his chest directly.

Understanding hit Megamind like a sledgehammer.

He had grown up in a prison, after all, and there was only so much trouble even the most attentive of surrogate parents was willing to go through to hide ugly truths. Eventually there were things a young man had to learn about the world. Especially if it was an ugly part of the world that he actively lived in.

Oh, no.

This just was NOT happening.

Megamind's hands flew up to his neck and, for the first time he could recall after realizing its futility, he tried to pry Metro Man's fingers off of him. His repeat of, "This isn't how you play the game!" went completely unheeded. Damn it, nothing he'd been taught to defend himself from this particular sort of attack was even remotely relevant against an attacker like Metro Man! Yes, he could fight off most any human that wasn't a professional strength-trainer, but now he had a snowflake's chance in hell!

In a move that made the trapped man shriek in alarm, Metro Man slipped his arm under the entire shirt front and a flash of laser-vision cut it cleanly down the middle, only the Hero's impenetrable flesh preventing the searing red lines from connecting with Megamind's skin. The hand still around his neck lifted him off the floor and Megamind was forced to cease pulling at those fingers and allow his arms to stretch over his head when the shirt was yanked out from under him.

"Stop! I'm calling a time-out!" he shouted desperately. Megamind already knew it wouldn't work. If Metro Man was so far gone into this... whatever it was... that was effecting his mental stability a little begging wasn't going to stop him. He couldn't resist trying anyway. Anything was better than simply allowing this to happen without some sort of effort to stop it. He kicked out as hard as he could when Metro Man reached down to pull off his boots, which was also completely ineffective and only served to bruise some of his toes.

"T-time-out?" he hazarded weakly when the last thing covering him was pulled off as well.

Now Megamind regretted his typical 'commando' lifestyle. Even if it would have bought him a mere second of additional thinking time underwear would have been useful right about now. He could have done a LOT of thinking in a second with his cerebral capabilities.

Metro Man paused as if to admire the vulnerable man beneath him. Megamind lay there still, shocked, and utterly unprepared for what was to come next.

Which was Metro Man releasing his neck at long last, grasping his thin thighs instead, and leaning down to nuzzle at his serious bits.

Megamind's mental gears screeched to a shocked halt and he made a rather embarrassing noise when Metro Man started to lave at him as if he were a frozen dessert.

Megamind had experienced sexual stimulation, of course; it was just usually his hand, some toys he had ordered from specialty stores, or women that would accept a certain monetary compensation for their time. He tended to stay far, far away from the women that actively flirted because they seemed... well, terribly unbalanced even by his standards for the most part and you never know who is going to _understand_ the rules of the game he played with Metro Man and who would turn out to simply be _fucking nuts_. The last group tended to find his _evil persona_ sexier than they actually found _him_ and that was a very bad sign.

Megamind's definition of evil didn't include an awful lot of nasty, depraved, unnecessary things that humanity seemed to crave doing to each other, and he wanted no part in any of it.

He highly suspected one had to be human to be _truly, unforgivably evil_. Megamind was more along the lines of a necessary evil... something to keep the Hero in-line and provide him with a moral counterweight. After all, how would the citizens of Metrosity appreciate either the good or bad in their lives without experiencing its opposite?

Either way the women he graced with his time insisted on using condoms, which Megamind wouldn't object to were it not for three things: first none of them actually fit him given his unique biology (a bit too thin and covered in soft nibs, which meant they either fell off during the act or wouldn't go on in the first place), second he unfortunately discovered the hard way, he was allergic to most commercial spermicidal compounds and oil-based lubricants (he suspected the latex itself might be a contributing factor to his overall discomfort, too), and third... they reduced his sensitivity immensely. It took a lot more stimulation to accomplish climax when there was anything between the actual flesh and friction. His only saving grace was the toys, which were extremely helpful if he got the right ones and vary much not crazy given the lack of sentience.

Thank science for water-based, unscented lubricant and medical-grade silicone; otherwise Megamind would be doomed to suffer from the most terrible crankiness Metrosity had ever seen in a villain and they'd likely never know why.

The one thing he really, really enjoyed was good oral. And Metro Man was making it very difficult to focus enough to coherently continue refusing. Admittedly the lack of response or even inquiry for permission was scaring the hell out of him but he wasn't entirely certain he wanted it to stop anymore. His legs tensed and shook with the urge to thrust despite being immobile from the hands around his thighs. His ability to think coherently only lessened when the laving turned to sucking and Megamind arched like a wanton whore.

"Don't- nghk..." Megamind faltered and took a breath before trying again. "You _promised_...!"

Metro Man ignored him and continued, one long and drawn-out suck causing his legs to shake uncontrollably. It went on for a tortuously short amount of time before Megamind was flipped onto his front and that mouth went to work on an altogether less preferable area.

"That's very unsanitary!" the blue man screeched as he tried futilely to pull away from the tongue that was, quite roughly, invading uncharted territory. Not that any sort of bacteria Megamind's body possessed could possibly have harmed the sturdier alien but still... you never go ass-to-mouth!

Unless, of course, you're a super-powered flying brick with immunity to the very serious medical consequences for a lack of judgment in the midst of insane passion, apparently.

"Stop!" Megamind yelled. This was not due to dislike of this, but because it was making him swell and pulse and he was actually yelling at his dick for being a goddamned traitor. "You said you wouldn't touch me," he added simply to reiterate how much he was lamenting this madness. "And-"

Megamind stopped in favor of taking great gulps of air when the pressure ceased tormenting him. His muddled mind began grasping at straws to re-orient itself to more concrete things than 'that feels amazing don't stop', which was definitely a difficult mode for him to claw his way out of. If there was any way to stop his magnificent mind from operating at peak capacity, sexual stimulation seemed to work incredibly well. It was like putting up a dam in front of a raging river of thought until it merely trickled. That was probably an evolutionary thing to keep his species from philosophizing themselves into oblivion.

His recovery was short-lived, however, as something else entirely pressed against his unusually friction-receptive sphincter. Something that Megamind unfortunately had a good size estimate of due to sharing a Physical Education class, and subsequent shower room with, the man currently positioning himself for an invasion of the most intimate kind.

He only had a second to mentally panic before his pleasure-lax ring of muscle gave way and started to burn terribly.

"You're hurting me!" he bleated plaintively.

This was no special occasion that required he lie to make Metro Man startle, it was an honest-to-goodness moment when he needed to drop his pride and demand a response. No response was forthcoming, though. It was like fighting against time. No matter what you did it was still going to pass and no amount of telling yourself you weren't a mere mortal like every other body on Earth helped.

Megamind strained and squirmed and pleaded but nothing, nothing he did made the slightest bit of difference. It was agonizingly slow, burned like hell, and only made his struggles more painful. Every jerk and spasm stretched him further due simply to his movement against the intrusion.

Finally, blessedly, it stopped.

Megamind took a shuddering breath and swallowed several times to reassure himself that he was still alive and very much not skewered... at least not in a way that had caused fatal damage. Everything from his knees to his stomach and most of his back felt displaced and tight, stretched to the breaking point but not actually _broken_. Somehow he was _accommodating_ the massive invasion, which seemed impossible considering it was roughly the same width and two thirds the length of his own forearm. Megamind knew this - it had been entirely unavoidable to sneak a peek as they showered in High School. Even as he focused on the pain to try and assess how much damage had been done it began to dull and merely ache rather than truly distress him. He was already adjusting.

And now Megamind felt cheated in an entirely different way. If it was at all possible the sheer lack of knowledge concerning his own body was more galling than his current helpless position. Why did he know so little about his own body!? He hated not knowing things! Megamind decided at that moment there was something terribly wrong with him. He was being held down by his temporarily insane nemesis and used as a convenient hole to take care of some hormone-driven madness episode and all he could think about was _how infuriating it was_ that he hadn't known how resilient his own body was to this type of treatment.

Damn it, if he could fit something the mass of the average wine bottle in _absolutely any orifice_ without causing serious life-threatening damage he should damned well know about it!

...though he couldn't currently think of any situation that knowledge could possibly be relevant except this one.

Metro Man had begun to move.

Megamind heard himself make an absolutely humiliating noise that he meant to be a protest but came out as a sort of alarmed cry. He put a hand on his abdomen as if to steady it and found to his horror that not only was he still aroused but his stomach was _distending_ slightly with every thrust; it wasn't a lot, certainly, but enough for him to feel it on his palm and fingers through his skin.

He knew he should be feeling horribly pain but it just wasn't happening. His insides seemed to be willingly shifting to allow space. He wasn't even lightheaded the way he usually felt when he was experiencing blood loss and shock (in fact he didn't smell any blood either) which was the only other explanation for the lack of pain he could conceive of aside from the possibility that this actually, truly, was not injuring him.

It was actually starting to feel...

"Oh, _please_ ," he whined in dismay and tried to squirm away without thinking. It was impossible! Given the size difference _alone_ it shouldn't be possible! The sensory evidence contradicted Megamind's mental analysis so strongly that it felt as if he were being insulted. Metro Man's horse dick should NOT be able to fit where it currently was, damn it, and Megamind should be in pain. His body wasn't THIS resilient!

...was it!?

One of Metro Man's huge hands enveloped the smaller blue one on Megamind's stomach and moved it down until both of them were firmly gripping his oddly textured sex, and the larger hand began to knead.

After one violent, startled flinch that shook his whole being Megamind stopped squirming away from the contact and started to helplessly writhe _into it_ , an odd keening sound escaping from him with every thrust that made his body pitch forward and back in response. It still hurt, but the longer it went on the more the ache morphed into a different sensation that was still burning yet didn't feel bad. It was the physical equivalent of one of those silly visual puzzles where you have to refocus your eyes to see the picture. It was still the same photograph and had exactly the same lines but with a slight physical adjustment it was suddenly possible to make out the image.

The thought occurred that it might be fun to see where this went. If it wasn't hurting him and indeed seemed to be doing the opposite, why not give it a chance?

Besides, he had all the opportunity to escape this as he ever did when Metro Man had him captured: none. It just made sense to relax and let it happen. Fighting wasn't helping, his words were either being ignored or entirely unable to be processed at the moment, and he'd never been one to let one little setback prevent a little improvisation. Since Metro Man was definitely out of his mind right now there was a good chance he wouldn't even remember anyway and, if Megamind played his cards right, even if the brute did remember he could use that memory to blackmail him so viciously it'd be worth it in the end anyway.

Besides, that little bit of pain upon entry was well worth what he was feeling now!

Internal debate over with, Megamind went limp and surrendered to the sensation of being thoroughly fucked until he began to doubt he'd be able to think coherently again. All pain or memory of it was dampened and replaced with an all-consuming, helpless, hopeless struggle toward ecstasy.

It eventually hit him at roughly the same time Metro Man tensed and growled, pitching forward with enough force to bruise the blue man's bottom just from the impact. Far from being painful the sudden deeper thrusts hit something Megamind hadn't expected and he came with a surprised and vulnerable wail.

Megamind lay panting and spent and frantically thanking whatever Gods responsible for designing Metro Man's species that his ejaculate _flowed_ and didn't _spurt_ , because the latter likely would have been as gentle as the average AK-47 and put an abrupt end to Megamind's career in a _very unpleasant way_.

The friction caused by the brute's slow withdrawal made the blue man gasp in surprise - it still felt good and there was an awful lot of him to withdraw - which only devolved into continued gasps when Metro Man thrust back in with abandon.

"Aren't you done!?" Megamind demanded, then surrendered to helpless squirming as Metro Man made them both climax all over again. This time, at least, Megamind didn't fear for his innards. He knew he'd be fine, that Metro Man's completion wouldn't come with a terrible price, and gave in to the sensations. It wasn't as if he could do anything else.

After the second bout was finished Metro Man finally stopped, though he paused to follow the instinct to give his seed adequate time to seep out.

As they stayed like that, joined and still and sated, Megamind asked. He couldn't help himself.

"Why?"

Predictably there was no reply.

Metro Man left without a word, taking his clothes and simply _ceasing to be there_ in a way that Megamind knew indicated super-speed or magic, and Metro Man only possessed one of those things. It was rather disappointing and he felt given to pout.

Megamind sighed after a while and stood on wobbly and unsteady legs, going over to his little cot dejectedly. He had quite definitively lost this battle, no creative reasoning about it. He may as well accept it and rest before planning retaliation. Maybe he'd feel more vicious about it later, but for the moment he was just very, very tired.

On the way there he caught his reflection in the full-length mirror nearby that he had several of at strategic points throughout his lair (because it would be terribly insulting to his enemy to conduct evil while badly-dressed) and stopped short.

Megamind stared at himself, entranced. Dusk had given way to night while he had been too occupied with more distracting things to register the time passing. In the wan light from his distant monitors and the flickering glow of his brain-bots hovering around him in interest he could just make out the flushed, sated, strangely satisfied look on his own face. All trace of what fear or pain may have occurred was gone. Feeling as though he were looking at some other blue-skinned alien, Megamind let his cape fall from his shoulders.

Instantly the golden fluorescence of the semen leaking from his body and trickling down his legs bloomed around him, causing his reflected image to gasp in surprise. Knowing what had happened, replaying the events in his head, Megamind found himself swallowing thickly and his breath hitching in excitement.

He looked utterly, rightfully, thoroughly ravished. It was pleasantly intoxicating to see himself in that state and, he admitted silently, the climax had been more than worth the discomfort it took to achieve.

Megamind reached a decision instantly. This had to happen again. If whatever had caused Metro Man to seek him out had indeed been cured by their joining he would have to find another way of convincing the brute to comply. Megamind certainly wasn't about to give up being evil or playing their game, but he knew Metro Man wasn't about to surrender his own lifestyle either. This would take some clever manipulation to accomplish.

Forming the grand speech already, Megamind ran his fingers through the bright trails on his thighs and playfully painted a little glowing star on his chest with it before smiling. The great Megamind had never given up because of a little setback! He wasn't about to start now! The game could no longer be played to the set of rules they had been using before, certainly, but only because a clause needed to be added to it. A little Addendum.

If Metro Man wanted to play hard ball...

"I'm game," he said aloud, painting his lips with the brilliant golden fluid too.

* * *

It was surprisingly easy to summon Metro Man back to his lair. All it took was a gathering of brain-bots in the park terrorizing random citizens' dogs and them scattering when the Hero showed up as if they were acting without orders - like they were merely confused and without adequate supervision. Which logically followed that Megamind was in no condition to be paying attention to them.

Metro Man arrived moments later with the recalcitrant things in a fishing net and set them down in the first open space he saw.

Megamind was hidden, of course, behind a steel beam. He hadn't put too much effort into his daily routine. If he was going to pull this off he had to look sufficiently ruffled for Metro Man to attempt some comfort and expression of remorse. If he was lucky the lack of coffee would even make the circles under his eyes even darker.

"Megamind?"

The blue man resisted the urge to grin. Oh, that sounded so _plaintive_! Metro Man must remember everything, or at least have a good idea of it if he sounded like that.

"What do you want?" he demanded weakly from behind his beam, not moving from it as if he was using it as a shield. An entirely ineffective one, but a security object nonetheless. Instantly he just knew he was being x-rayed. A sharp intake of breath indicated his foresight had paid off - he hadn't bothered to wash yet and the detritus of yesterday's activity was still on his legs, though he'd scrambled the star with more smearing and washed his face at least.

"Are you hurt?"

The question was unexpected and Megamind moved from behind the beam, still leaning back on it for support. "I don't seem to be injured, no."

Metro Man swallowed thickly. "I don't know what caused it. It was like someone had me on manual control-"

"It doesn't matter what caused it, Metro Man. Whether a hormonal imbalance, sickness, mania... it happened and there's no going back now."

"What do you want me to do?" the Hero demanded in a sort of pained gentle tone.

Megamind snorted and pointed out rather flatly, "What I want didn't seem to matter to you much yesterday."

"Just tell me how to make this right," Metro Man demanded hurriedly. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," Megamind interrupted, meeting his enemy's eyes with all the intensity he could muster. "You _impressed_ me." Metro Man ignored that 'impressed' rhymed with 'empress' and paused to listen. "We're still playing the same game, old friend; but now you've changed the rules. I've simply called you here to review them before either one of us makes our next move."

"What do you mean?" the larger alien asked warily.

Megamind grinned and walked in a circle around his enemy, slowly making his way inward as he did so. Metro Man stood tense and still in place, only tilting his head to keep his eyes on the blue man. "If you can perform evil deeds without being a Villain per se... then maybe I can do some good deeds in return without necessarily being a Hero. All we need to do is figure out a balance. Work out a system... a trade agreement, if you will."

"What?"

"For example," Megamind continued, ignoring that interruption. "I now owe you a good deed in exchange for your evil deed. Now you can call on me for a favor; a technological puzzle you need assistance with, or a sort of backup in the event you can't handle multiple crimes at once. Perhaps you need a little vacation and I can cover for you-" he whipped around and aimed his Holo-Watch to scan the Hero before he could object, "-in disguise, of course. I don't want to ruin my reputation..."

"And in return?" Metro Man's eyes were wide and strangely hopeful after that last offer and Megamind knew he _had_ him - Hook, Line, and _Suckered_.

He faced the man and cackled a bit for effect before stating his price. "You indulge in your evil impulses rather than fighting them," he said darkly. "Give in to them. Let your darker urges out when they call to you. So long as no actual harm comes to me I won't openly object..." He stood in front of the stunned man and graced him with a villainous smirk that felt more justified now than ever before. " ** _Corrupting_** you, the pure-hearted defender of the innocent, will be the _greatest achievement of my career_! Even if that corruption goes unknown to the rest of the world, your precious citizens of Metrosity; **we'll still know**. Won't we?"

Metro Man goggled. "You want to-?"

"Keep in mind that you actually have my consent for _nothing_ ," Megamind snapped viciously. "That's what makes it evil. As far as retaliation is concerned, though... I'll just have to comfort myself with the knowledge that you've fallen to my level. Otherwise we behave as if nothing has changed. We continue our game in public while conducting this sordid little arrangement in private."

Metro Man thought so hard for a moment it seemed as if he was literally wrestling with his conscience and losing. Then a strangely wicked grin burst forth like a newly birthed volcano. Had Metro Man been getting bored with their game to the extent where this change was not to be regretted, but _welcomed_? "It seems to me like I'm getting the best out of this arrangement, Megamind."

Megamind shrugged placidly. "Perception of value is dependent on the individual. Rest assured I'm pleased with my share, though I may juggle the terms of the trade at a later date. There's just something immensely satisfying about knowing a dark and terrible secret of yours that nobody else does, and I intend to keep it that way." He slipped the glove off his right hand before offering it; skin contact seemed important for a handshake of this magnitude. "Deal?"

"Deal." Metro Man grasped the offered hand, shook it once, twisted it until the arm it was attached to was pinned to Megamind's back, and threw him down.

"This makes two," Megamind said to himself, then stopped talking in favor of doing more productive things with his mouth.

But not before a token display of resistance, of course. Metro Man still didn't have permission for this and Megamind wasn't going to give it. He had an image to uphold.

Besides, the difference between a Villain and a SUPER-Villain was showmanship.

END


End file.
